So that title is the purpose of this blog. There are sooo many things I want to remember about these awesome years my kids live at home, and I want a place to store them, since I definitely have put my scrapbooking hobby on the back burner (read I haven’t scrapbooked since Ava’s newborn pics in 2006). Also, I am obsessed with nutrition and fitness information as it constantly changes. We as a species can learn how to perfect our machines to run at optimal performance which is a life long process . I also LOVE LOVE self help books on mothering and wifering (not sure if that’s a word ;P) So to start I am going to list some of my favorite quotes from THE MOST AMAZING book I just finished reading, TWICE, in one weekend. 🙂
P.S. I recommend this book to anyone, parent or soon-to-be parent!! However, if you are a democrat hater or easily offended, pass it up!
The book is called INSTINCTIVE PARENTING by Ada Calhoun. She is an editor for a big online blog site called babble.com. She talks about raising her son in NYC and tricks/ideas/perspectives she has learned in her 3 years of being a mama. ( I know I have been a mom a lot longer than 3 years, but her book is basically everything I think about parenting (minus the non christian factor) that I’ve just been to chicken to say out loud!
On making your kid(s) share and how some parents say their child doesn’t “feel” like sharing whatever they brought out today:
“What’s that saying, “Feelings aren’t facts”? That’s kind of handy. It’s not denying your kids’ feelings or disempowering them to insist that they share or say please. And sure, some days kids really don’t feel like sharing. And on those days, they can do what we do as grown-ups when we need to take a break from polite society: stay home….”
On trusting your pediatrician
“Everytime I am confronted with one of these researcher-parents, I wonder whatever happened to just doing things when your pediatrician said to? GOOD doctors have read all the research, or they’ve been in touch with the AAP advisory board, whose members definitely have read them all, and unlike us, they have zillions of years of education that lets them actually understand these studies and put them in context. (bold added by me) To believe there is a vast medical-industrial conspiracy working overtime to make you do something that’s bad for your kid is the height of narcissism. If you don’t trust your pediatrician on the simple matter of when to start feeding your kid rice cereal, I wanted to ask this no-solids food mother, why don’t you just find another doctor?”
This made me smile sooo much!! Most of the time I just kind of nod politely and agree in conversation with people who try to come up with their own medical diagnosis, and treatments ( I mean serious stuff not whether your kid is teething or has a cold)…..ummmm where’s your doctorate…..don’t have one….
On staying home vs working. Ada knew a doctor who conducted a study on working vs SAHM moms. Here are some of her conclusions.
“You still end up with people seeing mother care as the gold standard and everything else as being lesser, whether that’s care by the father or something else. In my own study we had 1,200 families and there were some pretty awful full-time moms among them! The truth is, it depends. Who are we talking about? What mother? What family? What child? That’s why I don’t think there’s a lot to be said for generalizing. People say to me ‘What kind of care is the best for a baby?’ And really the best I can do is to give certain indicators of high-quality care. It just depends.”
I think if you have the means, stay at home with your kids. ESP in the preschool years and I’ve heard from mom’s with grown kids that when your kids are teens you want to be there every second you can. BUT if staying at home means your kids are going to veg in front of the t.v. all day or you’re going to be frustrated constantly and scream at them over everylittlething, then PLEASE go on a search and find your big girl panties, put them on, and change your attitude to love where God put you or go get a job, and let someone else stimulate and love on your kid so you’ll both be happy. Bottom line, whatever life scenario makes you the best mom while honoring God and nurturing your kids, go for it. There should be no condemnation for moms who are home or who choose to/have to work!
On natural/epidural/csection/birth at home/birth in a hospital/birth in field 😉
One of Ada’s bloggers wrote this on the birth experience:
” If I’ve learned anything in ten years of motherhood, it’s that the way our children are brought into the world means very little for how they live in the world.”
Some women put WAY TOO MUCH emphasis on how their kids get here and whether or not they “bond” instantly or how horrible the first few weeks are. I know that many women have had traumatic birth experiences, or have adopted at later ages and have great bonds with their kids!!! Stop looking back and enjoy your kids for WHO they are not HOW they became yours!
*Side note: I only had one “normal” birth as far as bonding goes. My first went to live with another family the first two weeks of his life over which time I thought I’d never see him again (more on that in a later post), my second was in the NICU for 3 days, and my third was my only room-in, come home with me baby. Yet, I feel equally bonded to ALL 3 of them! Every Mom should be PROUD of having gone through one of the most painful processes in life to obtain a child: adoption (which I have heard is super emotionally taxing) or birth, just leave it at that. Be proud of yourself for doing it, disregard the details 🙂
This will probably be my only post ever on parenting since I don’t really like get on my soapbox in public. Thanks for reading!!